30.6.10 @ [
12:18 PM]
нαиγα тυнαи вϊѕα мзмϊѕαнкαи кϊтα
yeah been quiet for quite some time .been lazy-ing at home since tummy getting bigger .currently not working coz mother dont allow me to .she really took care of me on my food & drink .waduh ~kene minum soya bean lah , cannot minom susu chocolate lah .adoi ~kene makan sayur lah , dengar lagu surah-surah put the earphone on my tummy lah .mother , mother .stress taw but thanks .without eu , my child will be lost like before .this past few weeks , darn .been eating alot .last check-up , my weight was 50.7kg .hopefully now still maintain so can be hot mama .haha . .each day i ate 4 plates of rice , believe that ?siao .eat 4 chocolate scoop ice cream cone within half an hour .everyday & night , own banana with chocolate ice cream scoop which makes banana split .no more hot fudge sundae when at mcdonalds .now only chocolate milkshake .cravings for the past few weeks is to go fishing or jala .believe that ?i never like fishing or jala before .but dah minggu asik kempunan nak pergi pancing or see someone jala-ing .stupid craving i have .currently going 20weeks this sunday .baby has been kicking my tummy past few weeks .rase macam nak terkencing pun ade , sometimes rase cramp when i feel something dragging on my skin .sometimes i even can see my tummy jumping upwards .terkejot jugak macam kuat nah anak aku tendang .sometimes also when im tired of feeling the kicking moves , i will beat my own tummy & say diam-diam .silly sey wawa .talking to baby everyday .when i just got home , i always sleep at living room while watching tv , tak lena sey tido .pinggang makdikaw , macam nak pata .nak pusing pon sakit .now i sleep on my bed .better lah not as worst as on the floor .day time when tengah baring watch tv also sakit when nak bangun or pusing .my hair & skin have been so dry this past few days .my hair i shampoo-ed twice or thrice each time i have my shower .always been applying lotion on my hands , siku , tapak kaki , nails .haiz ~every cloth or dress i wear , dah nampak perot .mother always bising .cover lah with beg when going out .silly ?where got people carry bag on the front .sampai naik malas nak keluar rumah .this sunday was invited to his aunts place .got kenduri but have to be there early .his whole family i guess wants to discuss about us .hmm . .this past few days i always cry coz sedih lah dapat laki pengecut macam gitu .lagi pilih kemewahan dari ayah nya & can just ignore his child .worst still can say we can have another baby next time .ape maksud die ?fb die semua dah pandai add pompan lain semua .bukan nye aku tak taw .kua gan pompan lain pon tapi sebab kan dah malas nak layan lah aku buat bodoh .ag boleh marah aku ingat fb die ape nak message macam gitu depan kawan die semua .haha . .ouh kaw taw malu .abe kaw ingat perot aku ni locker simpan anak kaw ke ape ?berape sewa bulanan kaw bayar untuk simpan anak kaw dalam locker ni ?abe kaw ingat kite tak malu lah dengan kaw tak bertanggung jawab .dulu boleh lah aku ngandong time 15 years old , parents tak carik lelaki sebab tu aku masih kecik .sekarang dah tue , dah 22 .law kaw rase enjoy tu yang kaw pilih , moto yang kaw pilih , kemewahan $$ yang kaw pilih , go ahead .im not forcing eu malahan i already gave up on eu .ur worth nothing .eu dont even care for ur child .for me , alhamdullillah .after the day my parent came UT , ive changed ALOT .orang nak kutuk , kutuk lah .i think of my future already .with or without eu , baby is still with me .2 years je i will send to childcare or any play group so i can work .i will send to school , madrasah .aku po dah start solat memang pon bukan 5 waktu tapi aku solat jugak sekian lame tapak kaki ni tak pijak sejadah .after praying , i always cry , tadah tangan & doa agar god forgive all my sins & show me the right path for a living .till today i pray & cry .hoping & wishing the best for me .i always ask allah , kalaw memang die bukan milik aku bukan jodoh aku then kasi aku jalani hidup ini dengan tabah .cume i'll pity baby what i have to explain later when already grown up big .everyday mother remind me not to be sad , not to cry , must always be happy coz whatever is in our mind is also in babys mind .whatever we eat is also what baby eat .sedih jugak aku nanti aku contraction at labour or anywhere , sape yang nak support aku nanti ?sape yang nak sambut & qomat kan baby nanti ?tu je yang selalu buat aku sedih .i always been trying my best not to cry coz i dont wanna affect my baby but im not that strong i guess .the only way to ease myself is to pray .
hmm . .next check up 20th july .ultrasound & to really confirm baby's gender , weight , height , size , bla bla bla .i'll update again soon when im free or when i want to .im forever ready when ur ready papa .baby & i have always been waiting upon ur arrival .thank god ur family & my family were in good condition & both dah mengaku ni cucu dorang .dengan keizinan tuhan , modahan eveything goes on smooth & well .semoga kite & anak kite diberkati orang tua kite & tuhan insya'allah , amin !
had breakfast this morning as usual after eating my medicine , i on radio & was on warna .
while eating my 2nd toast bread , i was enjoying singing the song played on radio .
sha-na-na by amy mastura .
sekali tetibe lagu jangan pisahkan .
terus airmate melilih , ilang selera nak makan & threw my bread on my window .
eventually & honestly , i miss ur everything papa .
ur smell , ur touch , urrambut yang kasa macam berus .
just everything .
i miss everything in & out of eu .
нея ωояδѕ • нзя ѕαγ ♥
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November 2008
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